Friday, 21 October 2016

Cutting My Ties by Deleting My Emails.


A few weeks ago a psychic medium told me I was a bit of a hoarder. To be honest she didn't need qualifications like those to know that about me - she could've taken one look in my handbag to see that. I am definitely guilty of holding on to things that I don't need anymore.

I've had a horrible headache all day, and I went for a nap (lol any excuse). I ended up dreaming about a person I've not spoken to for nearly 10 years. When I woke up, I searched his name in my phone, and found emails from 2006. I spent a good ten minutes scrolling through them, getting progressively more annoyed with the way he spoke to me. Why did I need to be carrying these little documents of hate around with me? 

I've had the same email address for probably coming on 15 years - you know the one with the horrifically embarrassing log in that you can't quite bear to put down on any official forms, but also can't be arsed redirecting mail from? It had over 4000 emails in the inbox, dating all the way back to 2003. Remember back before Twitter and Facebook when all we had was MSN Messenger, and we'd email round those 'questionnaires' to each other in massive chain mails? I still had all of them - super necessary, of course.

Scrolling through my inbox, all I could see were reminders of things I didn't need. Bitchy emails from people who'd blocked me on MSN (I was a little shit back then, but clearly a persistent one), messages from boys who barely knew me claiming they 'loved' me, even order confirmations for things I'd bought years ago or events I'd gone to. 

It honestly felt overwhelming. I felt swamped by all these communications with people that life had brought to me and then pulled me away from. I didn't know these people anymore - I didn't need to see these peoples' words, hastily written, barely thought through and no longer significant. The messages from the boy from my dream were the worst. It was so odd to see this person talk about me as if he knew anything about me; to have this 'physical' proof of the way he manipulated me. I mean, I can remember all the major parts of what happened with each of these emailers - I didn't need an in-depth reminder of it all.

Our online presence is inextricably linked with our real life, and all of the email clutter was playing on my mind.

So, I deleted the lot. 4000 emails, all gone.

It's my first mini step on decluttering my life. I don't want to be constantly surrounded by the past. Not one of those emails was useful, and I can guarantee they weren't pretty, so I don't need them in my life.

This detox has already been remarkably good for my mental health. It's felt like I've really cut my ties, and have fully moved on from people who let me down. Of course, not every email was from a 'bad' person, but I get to choose who stays in my life and takes up my precious brain space, and don't need to waste time on people who don't deserve it.

The only emails I have kept are two or three from my grandad, who passed away in 2011. There's something so sweet about reading messages from a man who was in his 80s, making such an effort to keep up with a granddaughter 400 miles away, using technology he wasn't massively confident with. Those are the kind of memories I do want to keep.

Have you ever hoarded things you don't need, or do you keep things nice and organised?

Find the rest of my Blogtober posts here :)
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4 comments

  1. I'm currently going through the same process. I had (get ready for it) over 10,000 unread emails in my inboxes and it's amazing how therapeutic it is to delete them!

    http://astrangerplaceblog.blogspot.com/

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  2. nice! I have been trying to minimize the clutter in my life as well-- in any form it may take! Papers, emails, etc. anything that takes up brain space besides the stuff that makes me happy has got to go! thanks for sharing xX

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  3. This is such an important thing for people to do, I think they often forget. I had a big purge of all of my emails/old socal media, etc a while ago and it felt so freeing. I try to keep up to my emails as best as I can now and organise them all into folders, or delete them if I don't need to. Well done you, though - for getting rid of all that negative crap!

    With love, V. x

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  4. I'm definitely an email hoarder too! My university email account is nearly ceasing to function because I have so many emails stored haha! I'm glad that deleting all of those thousands of emails has helped you to detox and declutter your life - next stop the handbag?

    Abbey 🌷 www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

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