Friday, 2 February 2018

A Little Life Update.

antigua

I don't want to induce envy or make anyone hate me, but while I write this I am currently sitting by a private pool, in the beautiful 27 degree heat of February in Antigua. I may or may not be 'living my best life'. I may or may not also end up sunburnt in a matter of minutes, but that's neither here nor there.

I thought it was about time for a little chatty post. January was a funny old (unending) month for a load of us. After the comedown from Christmas and New Year it's always a tough month, but this year it felt about a decade long. For me, personally, it was Not A Good Month. 

I had such big hopes for what I wanted to do, particularly with this blog. As usual, I utterly failed at achieving any of them. My laptop decided to die a few days into the year, and then all replacements did the same thing. Hence another completely unproductive month - sorry! I don't want to put pressure on myself but I do want to feel proud and accomplished when it comes to my blog. I want to be a lot better with uploading now it's February - which is why I'm writing blog posts instead of swimming! 

I haven't seen my husband for 66 days. Blair has been away since November, in his quest to row the Atlantic Ocean as part of the Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge. Essentially he's been in a little 23 foot boat for weeks on end, eating freeze-dried food and rowing constantly in order to cross 3000 miles. I am used to being in a long-distance (at times) relationship, and I am used to being home alone for extended periods of time, but being far apart and having limited contact hasn't been my favourite thing.

January was long and lonely. I really struggled with having nothing to do and no-one to talk. I wanted 2018 to be a big year with lots of positivity and success, so I've struggled to come to terms with just how unhappy I've been. Every time I feel myself going into a period of depression it feels like failure. When I'm "not depressed" (for lack of a better term) I feel so proud of all the progress I've made, so to watch myself regress isn't easy. It feels like I'm back to square one and knowing how much time and effort I'll have to put in to getting better is overwhelming. But acknowledging where I am and what that means is a huge part of my mental health journey. Being aware that it's not a linear process and that I will probably always have ups and downs helps make every bump in the road a little less severe.

I'm an introvert. I find social situations incredibly overwhelming and I really relish in having time alone. But there is definitely a point where introversion turns into hermitism. Being constantly alone is easy, but it isn't healthy. Spending my life in my house is not what I wanted my 20s to look like, and my lack of a social life is just sad really. I am always the one to take the easiest option, but I really need to make more of an effort to get out of my comfort zone. I want to meet more people and just do more exciting things (she says, from a villa in Antigua...!)

All of this definitely set my mind to the fact that I really need to learn to drive this year. Even though Blair will back soon, he works away a lot and every time I find myself trapped in our little town with its lack of public transport. It's also pretty shameful that I'm 28 and still can't drive haha. I need to be a better adult in all ways. Driving would give me so much freedom, which I would relish. 

Anyway - enough whinging. I'm on holiday for God's sake! I feel very lucky to be abroad again only five months after my last trip (which I still need to blog about, I'm the worst...). I will be reunited with my husband within the week - he doesn't know I've come out to welcome them so hopefully it'll be a nice surprise for them. I also have lots of blogging planned for this month and I'm advertising with the lovely Gwennan again, so that'll keep me motivated! My mood is already better - it's amazing what a little sunshine can do. 

Sorry this has been such a ramble - I promise I'll have more structured posts soon!

Let me know how your January was, and what you're looking forward to in February! I'd love to know.
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1 comment

  1. Firstly, how gorgeous does that pool look? #notjealousatall Seriously, I'm so pleased you're having a good break and even more pleased that you'll see Blair again in a few days time. I don't know how you managed all this time on your own, I think you're amazing. The longest Alan and I have ever been apart is eight days and that was horrible. Beth, don't beat yourself up over blogging or anything else, at the end of the day you and yours are all that matters and your friends and readers will still be here when you're ready and able to come back. Although, I do think that learning to drive would be really cool - you can drive down to Bath and see me then, haha! Hope you have an absolutely fabulous holiday, you deserve it, xx

    Lisa | www.lisasnotebook.com

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