Saturday, 3 September 2016

Would You Be Friends With You?

It's not really a secret that I don't have many friends. Honestly, I never really have, but at this stage of my life (my mid-to-late 20s) I'm really lacking on the friendship front. The friends I do have are incredibly important to me - mainly because I'm pretty sure they must be saints.

See the thing is, I'm not sure I'm a very good friend to other people. For years I've had it in my self-obsessed head that just because I see myself as loyal, generous and dependable means that everyone else should too, but actually I think I might be a bit of a nightmare. So I got thinking about it - if I met a clone of myself, would I be friends with them?

One of the biggest 'issues' with being friends with me would be my mental illnesses. I recently wrote a post for Rachel's blog which you can read here (while you're there check out the rest of her series of guest posts on Mental Health - they are awesome) talking briefly about my struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not going to get into it too much here, but one of the symptoms is crucial to how I deal with close relationships. Splitting (aka black and white thinking) means that I tend to think of things/situations/people in all or nothing terms. There's no grey areas with me. This is something I definitely struggle with and I work hard on constantly, but it must be really tough to be my friend.

The other big problem is my anxiety. I'm practically housebound by it. I basically never leave the house on my own so there's that! Sometimes I just don't feel up to social gatherings and I'll make an excuse to get out of it. I can't imagine how irritating that is, and I know it's why I lost a lot of high school friends. If you don't turn up to things then people stop inviting you. I regret that I didn't try harder but I also wish that people could understand my reasons for it.

As a friend I can be kind of awkward. I don't think I've ever had a best friend - I've had loads who I'd say were my best friends but it's never been mutual. Part of my BPD is that I like to know exactly where I stand with people, I need that kind of reassurance. I can be a bit awkward cause I know I'm not anyone's first choice. Maybe I would be my own first choice though, that'd be cool!

Lastly there's the fact that I cannot make a single decision. I'll never be good at making plans. I'll never be able to suggest somewhere to eat. I'll never have ideas for what we can do. I'm sorry, it's just a fact. Honestly a lot of this comes from my anxiety - the idea that I'm going to make the wrong choice and upset someone is enough to stop me making a decision at all.

In defence of Clone Me, I think I'd be quite attracted by the fact that she is always there. I do try really hard to help people when they aren't feeling 100%, I try and be there for my friends. I've had some friends who've used me till they found someone better and I know how much that sucks - I'm not that kind of person. Once you're a friend of mine then you're a part of my life and I won't be just kicking anyone to the kerb. I'm loyal and I'm trustworthy.

Now I don't have much money but I would say I'm a pretty generous friend. I'll happily buy my friends drinks or a meal, and I love trying to find the perfect Christmas present. It's not that I'm trying to buy friends (I might be sad but I'm not that desperate - yet) but I just don't think treating your friends to things is a big deal. I like the people who are important to me to know it.

I also really do believe I'm not a judgmental person. I try to understand people's reasonings, or I just let folk get on with being them. I hate when your own friends make you feel like shit about something - live and let live! Maybe my beliefs would clash with Clone Me's at some point, but I know they'd be respectful of it. 

I'd also say I'm usually up for a laugh and try not to take life too seriously. Yes, there are occasions where I'm too sarcastic for my own good, but I don't mind when people take the piss out of me either. I'm comfortable lounging about like a slob when I'm with friends, in no make up and pyjamas, so I don't mind people laughing at the state of me. I can laugh at myself. I'd like having someone to just hang out around the house with, and laugh a lot. Plus I'm kind of hilarious when I'm drunk.

All in all I think that being friends with me sounds like a fairly tough gig. I'm super thankful for those people who put up with me because it doesn't sound easy, but I hope there are some benefits to it. I also hope I haven't frightened off any of you guys from making friends with me now!

(Also I'm not sure I went for such a wedding theme of pictures but these are some of the most important people in my life so it works!)

What about you, what would you think if you met yourself?


  1. I don't really have many friends. Not because I'm not a nice person but it's hard to find someone who isn't going to fall out with me because of jealousy etc if we have to much in common. All my friendships have ended because of this really. My 2 friends know are opposite to me so we never argue and are just chilled about everything and don't care about what each other do. If that makes sense. I feel that I get on more with people on the internet haha! Xx

    1. Yeah, it's interesting how being too similar can lead to competitiveness with the people you're meant to be closest with! And I'm with you, it's so much easier to get on with people online! xx

  2. I move around a lot, so for me it's always super hard to stay in touch properly with all my friends. It really can feel lonely sometimes, but the friends I do have are awesome, and always there for me! :)


    1. That does sound hard, but I'm glad that you do have such great friends! xx

  3. This is so very honest open relatable and inspiring! You have opened my eyes and given me new perspective. I've never had a bestfriend either just a few closer friends. People used to say as you age you will be able to count your friends on one hand- pretty sure that I'm just about making one finger right now! I'll be you're friend we can be awkward, sarcastic and laid back together haha!

    Toni xo

    1. To be honest as much as I do have to take some responsibility for a lack of friends, I do also think it's so much more important to have the right ones than to have hundreds of fake friends. And definitely, we can definitely be sarcastic friends haha! xx

  4. I think it's definitely harder to make new friends (and keep old ones) as you get older. So much gets in the way and the time goes so quick! I've also cancelled plans due to anxiety, it's the worst and I hated it when people got annoyed with me. As I've got older though, I prioritise more and care less! Haha, if I don't want to do something, I don't which has good and bad points, I suppose. Great post :) xx

    Effi |

    1. Yeah you're right - adult life sadly has to come before nights out with friends, and I do think there's fewer opportunities to meet new people. I do really like that you can just say no to things if you don't want to though, benefits of being a grown up! Xx


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