Saturday, 29 October 2016

Biggest Fears + Spooky Incidents.

I know it's not actually Halloween yet, but who schedules a holiday for a Monday night?! Regardless, I'm in the spooky mood of things, so I thought I'd talk about a few of the things I'm terrified of, and some of my scariest encounters (spoiler alert: I've never seen a ghost, soz).


My number one biggest fear is death. I know that's really morbid to jump right in with, but it's true. Please tell me that someone else out there has a little mini-panic every time they remember that one day they're going to pass away? I usually have these thoughts at like 2am when I can't sleep, so that's helpful. Rational me is always telling myself it'll just be like before I was born - just nothingness - but I guess it'd be nice to have an afterlife to believe in.


I'm also terrified of heights. I cannot cope with not having my feet on solid ground. When we went to Paris we paid for tickets to the top of the Eiffel Tower, but by the time I got out of the first lift (on the second level) I was TERRIFIED. I was gripping on to the girders, refusing to move even when people wanted past me, and I made Blair walk down the steps rather than get back into that elevator of doom. 

Small Spaces.

I went to this potholing place once, and even the tunnels I could comfortably walk through freaked me out. Why would you do that to yourself?! I'm pretty sure my dear brother has locked me into an attic crawl-space or two, and the feeling of panic is indescribable. It's like I'm going to run out of air (clearly not) and more so than any other fear, this will have me screaming in terror in seconds. No thank you.


I regularly have dreams about being in a plane, taking off (complete with the feeling your body gets irl) and then the plane drops out of the sky like a stone. This means that when I do get on a plane (which is almost never) I recognise the feeling that take-off gives me and immediately expect to plummet down to earth. I've tried that Rescue Remedy stuff, and it works wonders... except instead of me 'placing four drops on my tongue' Blair turned round whilst we were taxiing to see me downing the whole bottle. Still, it got the job done!


This latest killer clown phase that everyone's been up in arms about has been my actual nightmare come true. WHY do clowns exist?! They aren't funny, or cute, or joyful beings, they are weird people who paint fake smiles on their face and freak kids out. I hate them so much, I'm getting goosebumps just writing about them. Living in Edinburgh you see a lot of street performers during the Fringe. Once I was casually walking down the street when a clown started walking towards me - I literally ran away crying. Nope, not for me, no no no.

I'm not really bothered by spiders, snakes, sharks or the like - these five things are the main things that'll have me actually running (and like, lol, nothing makes me run).

On to the spooky experiences! Admittedly I don't have any definitive ghost stories, but some weird things have definitely happened. 

The first thing out of the ordinary I remember was many moons ago. I was probably in my early teens, and my mum, my brother and I were in the car on the way back from my uncle's house in Livingston. Livingston is a town to the west of Edinburgh, and weirdly there is a famous UFO story from there, the Robert Taylor incident. On this particular night, we all saw something strange in the sky - there were two red balls of light, flying just above the horizon. They were moving around and at first I thought they were some kind of floodlight, but as we watched the two lights flew towards each other, joined up and became one solid red light. They then descended quickly towards earth and disappeared. To this day I have no idea what those lights were - I'm not claiming they are some kind of evidence of aliens, but I definitely couldn't identify them. It was a really weird experience.

Next up, there's the small matter of the fact my dad and stepmum's house is definitely haunted and there's nothing anyone can do to change my mind. We moved into the house in 2000, and my brother, who was nine at the time, couldn't settle in his room at night. I guess we all just chalked it up to it being a new environment, but he'd been fine everywhere else we lived. He would get really distressed, and my dad would have to sit in the room till he eventually fell asleep. After about six months, he was suddenly fine, and would go to bed with no bother. It was exactly the same time that I started feeling like there was something under my cabin bed, and went from feeling comfortable in my room to feeling paralysed with fear.
This weird feeling didn't go away. Dad and my stepmum would often head up to bed before we would when we stayed at the weekends, and we'd sit up watching tv. The living room had frosted glass doors leading into a dining room, and there's a door from the dining room into the kitchen. The dining room also had French doors leading outside, and there are loads of fields at the bottom of the garden. So anyway, one night when it's just us downstairs, we hear a weird noise in the kitchen. We creep over to the dining room doors, and gently open them. As we do, we see a flash of blue light move rapidly across the room, in front of the French doors. Nope, sorry not today Satan! We've never moved so quick in our lives. 

Another time we were watching tv when the radio in the kitchen turned itself on full blast, blaring out static. We didn't even say a word to each other, just instantly got up and went to our rooms without looking. On a further occasion, my dad knocked on my door at about 2am to ask whether it was me who was blasting music. Nope, no biggie, it was just the radio in the attic that had gone on by itself, totally cool. The ghost obviously likes music. I never liked the feeling in that house, particularly the kitchen and dining room. Weirdly, when my dad and stepmum had an extension put on the back of the house, the whole feeling changed and it no longer freaks me out.

Without going into too many details, there's a person in my family who was apparently gifted with a sensitivity towards the spiritual (this same person 'visited' me after they passed away which was a weird moment). I had never experienced anything like that, until very recently. My dad, brother, Blair and I went to a place called Gosford House, a gorgeous stately home in East Lothian. Now if you read here regularly you know I love a historical building, but as we were wandering around the grounds I experienced the weirdest sensation. 

We were just casually strolling around, when I suddenly got a feeling of dread at the pit of my stomach. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced disassociation, but I strongly felt like I was outside of my own body, watching us all walking around. It felt like being in a dream, although for some reason it was more like a nightmare. There was nothing that should've been frightening me; it was a beautiful location in the daytime, and there were lots of families there. But I hated it, it made my skin crawl. Something about the grounds had a really negative energy, and for the first time ever I was picking up on it. I don't know where that feeling came from, or what it was about, but I know to trust my instinct. I won't be rushing back!

Have any of you got any spooky stories? Please share them!

You can catch up on the rest of my Blogtober posts here!

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